I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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