I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
