dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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