Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
