ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
