Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
