You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
