based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
