My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
