I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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