He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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