You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
