My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
