Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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