He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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