six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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