This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
