It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
