I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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