AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
