Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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