Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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