So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
