My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know her cup size but not her name....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
