this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
