I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
