You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
