we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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