you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He passed out mid-signature
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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