why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize