I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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