Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
