Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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