I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
