I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
