Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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