just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
