do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
