I'm drive I can fine osifer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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