Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
