worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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