He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
