So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
