Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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