Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
