If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize