I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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