have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
