I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
