I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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