are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
