he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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