I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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