It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
