She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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