$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
