All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Enjoy the penises
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
