My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
