Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize