I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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