I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
