I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize