You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
