i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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