You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
