he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
