Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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