Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
