last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
