Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
